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Whether you are just starting out on your journey as a private music teacher or you’re a seasoned veteran of the trade, you have encountered… a difficult student.
We like to lovingly refer to them as EGR students, or extra grace required students. Maybe they can’t (or won’t) focus, they won’t practice, they act out for attention, the list goes on (and on and on). They require a little extra thought, a little extra patience, a little extra grace to get through to them – and they frustrate the *you know what* out of you.
I have had my fair share of those kinds of students, and each one dragged me to the very last threads of my proverbial rope – I often felt like throwing in the towel. Some colleagues recommended that I do so – that I drop them and find better, more dedicated students.
But I didn’t. I buckled in, I did some research, and I committed to helping these kids learn, and love to learn. I committed to learning how to deal with my difficult students – and have seen some awesome things come out of it!
Before we dive in, I want to make sure that you know something very important that I have found changed my entire philosophy in dealing with difficult students:
Those EGR kids (or adults, if we are being frank), those students that just make you want to pull your hair out when you’re going over the same thing for what seems for the millionth time or just telling them to sit still for the millionth time or telling them that they need to practice for the millionth time – those difficult students have probably had someone give up on them before. Maybe it was another teacher, a caregiver, a peer, but if you feel like giving up on them, they’ve probably had that effect on someone else. And not many people care to stick it out.
Often times, they are expecting you to give up on them too.
The impact that just sticking it out can have, the impact that expressing your intent to them (i.e. “I am here to help you learn and to help you have fun learning! We are in this together.”) can have is monumental. Start there, and back that statement up with commitment, research, and action.
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Things to Implement Right Away
Below, you will find some books to help you formulate your “plan of attack” to deal with difficult students, because you need to find an approach that works best for you and your student.
But there are some simple steps you can take right here and now to get a jump start on dealing with difficult students… or potential difficult students:
1. Have the conversation – with the student
If you already have an EGR student, or you think a student might have the potential to develop into one, talk with them. Let them know that you are on their side, and you want them to succeed and have fun. This conversation can then be referenced when problems arise:
“Remember when we talked about us being a team, and how I want you to have fun learning piano? We can’t move on to “more fun” things until we finish this (or until you focus)!”
2. Have the conversation – with the parent
If a parent signs their child up for music lessons, they want their child to learn and be successful. Let the parent know that the child’s behavior problems are getting in the way of their learning. Often times the parent will be willing to join forces and be intentional about reinforcing good behaviors during the week.
3. Set expectations
This one goes hand in hand with the first two: set expectations with both the student and the student’s parent (if they are a child student) in their very first lesson. Even when just starting lessons, before you even know if the student will be difficult or not, it is a good idea to set expectations.
A big pitfall many teachers (and leaders and bosses) make is not clarifying expectations. Sometimes difficult students that aren’t meeting your expectations just need those boundaries defined.
Tell them how much they can talk. When they can ask questions, when they need to stay quiet. Tell them how much you expect them to practice – how many days a week and for how long. Let them know just what you expect from them – in lessons and in practice time.
4. Implement a rewards system
There is no secret about it – bribing works. It can be as simple as grabbing a book of star stickers from the dollar store, and giving your students a star in their music when they master a song. Or a lollipop. Or a high five. Sometimes I offer to let them pick any song out of their book and I’ll play it for them.
With one of my most difficult students, his mom had a tally system that we also implemented in his lesson times: for good behavior, he earns tallies. For bad behavior, he loses tallies. Once he gets a certain number of tallies, he gets to pick a toy out of a box that his mom has.
Often times, students who are not motivated by mastering a song or technique need another, more tangible goal (or reward) to work for.
Get creative with it!
Books to Help You Deal with Difficult Students
So you made the commitment to stick it out and deal with your difficult students. Now comes the research part.
Yes, experience is invaluable – you can learn a ton through experience. Obviously.
But experience is also a slow teacher. Effective? Yes. Efficient? Definitely not.
In steps research.
Talk with trusted colleagues. Read books. Ask questions. If you have a question or a concern, chances are someone else has run into it.
Below are 3 books that can help you get started in formulating a plan to deal with difficulties as they arise, as well has handling difficult students before they even step into your studio.
1. THE Classroom Management Book – Harry K. Wong
While this book was written for school teachers with brick-and-mortar classroom management needs and the traditional at least 20 students at a time, many of the principals in this book are incredibly valuable to Private Music Teachers to help prevent difficult students before they sit down to their lesson with you. Plus, if you own a studio or have students come to a dedicated teaching space, it will help you optimize that space for helping your students succeed.
2. Difficult Students and Disruptive Behavior in the Classroom: Teacher Responses that Work – Vance Austin, PhD & Daniel Sciarra, PhD
Dr. Vance Austin, who teaches at the collegiate level as well as at a special high school for students with behavioral and emotional disorders, and Psychologist and former school counselor Dr. Daniel Sciarra share easily actionable information on why certain students will act out – and what to do about it. The book is divided up by “root issues” (different stressors and disorders) that may cause a difficult student, and what kind of response will work for each type of difficult student.
3. Succeeding with Difficult Students: New Strategies for Reaching your Most Challenging Students – Lee & Marlene Canter
Like I mentioned before, dealing with difficult students starts with relationship – building trust with your students that you have their best interests at heart. When they believe that you want them to succeed and trust that you are on their side, dealing with the behavioral challenges gets infinitely easier.
This book fully embraces the philosophy that successful teaching begins and ends with relationship – and provides concrete examples and actionable advice to build that relationship of trust with your most unruly students and truly help them succeed.
Some Final Thoughts
I want to be very clear: dealing with difficult students is not easy. They are called “difficult” for a reason. I operate under no delusion that there is an easy fix for this. It is just plain old hard work.
But when you do put in the hard work, when you don’t back down, when you show those EGRs that you are there for them, fighting for them, on their side, they can turn into some of the best students you have.
Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Thoughts? Shoot us an Email or leave a comment!
Apart from building good relationships, what other strategies can private music teachers implement to prevent difficult behavior from emerging in students?
Greeting : Telkom University
I don’t think there is anything you can do to fully prevent, but I find good success with:
1. Building a good relationship. This is so key. A student that feels you are in their “corner” is much easier to address issues with.
2. Communicating clear expectations. Especially with younger students who haven’t been in school yet, they probably don’t know what is expected of them. Make sure to clearly communicate the kind of behavior you need from them.
How does a private music teacher deal with students who easily get bored or lose focus during lessons?
Greeting : Telkom University
I like to switch things up! Not sticking to the same routine can help with boredom.